Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey....stuff

     Before I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was an avid reader. For as far back as I could remember, I was always reading. Always. When I was 8 years old, my cousin gave me "The Hobbit" as a gift. I finished it in about a week. My mom then convinced me to read the rest of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy by telling me my dad had tried to read it when he was a teenager and never finished it. So I read and finished those books before I was 9. I always had something to read. I was always in the middle of several books, from several different series. While I would be waiting for the next book in a particular series, I would be reading a different book from another series. I read when I woke up. I read in the car. I read at the dinner table. I read myself to sleep each night. I always found time to read. I can remember the first time in my life when I didn't have something to read, halfway through my senior year. I didn't know what to do with my free time. I was almost depressed.

     I also did not have a smart phone at this time. I had a cheap flip phone with no texting, no data plan. I could make and receive phone calls, and I had one, dorky little game on it. I did not have a iPod Touch. I had an iPod Nano, which I would use to listen to music as I read. I didn't have a computer. Or a laptop. I did have a Facebook, but my access to it was limited. There were computers in my house, but due to various reasons, as per my own request, I did not know any of the passwords to the computers; I had to ask my parents to log in for me.

     Now don't get me wrong; I wasn't a complete loser. I had friends, I loved playing outside (I had a small half-court basketball hoop in my backyard, and I used the pool often). I wasn't completely shut off from technology: I loved playing video games, on console and the PC. I knew my way around the internet--for better or for worse-- and was an expert at several programs on the computer. But my access was limited, and I enjoyed the time I could escape from the world in the shoes of fictional characters.

Fast forward two years. I come home from my mission and the first thing my parents hand me is an iPhone. One of the first things we buy me for college is a laptop. I do buy a couple books as well, and manage to finish one before I come back to Hawaii for school. But something happened. I no longer had time to read. A year and a half later from the time I bought those two books and I am only 2 chapters into the second book. I downloaded the Kindle app on my phone for the purpose of reading yet another book that I found out about a year ago, and am only halfway through it. I wonder; what happened to the time I finished the entire Harry Potter series in 5 days? Or the time I read the entire Twilight saga in 4 days (4, because the third day I was waiting for the last book to be released the next day...also something I admit hesitantly)? If it were that time, I would have finished the three books I had purchased in a matter of days, if not hours.

     It's because I no longer have time, I reason. I'm spending time in classes, doing homework, hanging out with my fiancé-now-wife. But then I look back at the hours I've logged on Facebook and Angry Birds (as well as the other couple dozen games I've played on my phone). I am no longer reading when I wake up; I am checking my Facebook. Instead of reading on the bus, I am slicing fruit on my phone. Between classes I'm texting my friends. I fall asleep to Facebook and Youtube. What happened? I didn't run out of time, I got connected. Not only did I get connected, I got addicted.

     Now you may be wondering why this seems to contradict my last blog post about how I can't seem to get a hang of this social media stuff. Let me explain; I have trouble socializing on social media. My posts on Facebook are rare...once every month--if that. I go on splurts, but its a few posts and that's it. My profile picture has been the same since December, and the only reason it changed is because I got married (gotta have marriage photo as profile photo). I comment more often than I post, but even then it's rare. I spend most of my time on Facebook scrolling. There was an analogy made this week of checking the fridge, finding its empty, yet 2 minutes later you're checking the fridge again (on a side note, I did that in high school; I would walk back and forth between the 'empty' fridge and 'empty' pantry two or three times, go back to my homework, and two minutes later would be doing my rounds again). That's what I do on Facebook; I scroll down the News Feed, rarely actually finding anything of interest. When I do, I may share it, and do a little bit of Facebook stalking; but regardless, I am accomplishing nothing. I am an anti-social Facebook addict. =P.

     So this week I decided to do a little experiment. Over the break between Semesters, I had watched Divergent with my family. Since I had made a pact with myself never to watch a movie before reading the book, I felt a pang of guilt and bought the Divergent trilogy on Kindle, but hadn't made much progress on it. So this week I decided I would put effort into reading it instead of wasting time on Angry Birds (actually, right now it's 2048 that has my attention). So I did. I'm still appalled at myself that it actually took effort to read a book, and I'm nowhere near the attention level I used to be while reading (part of it IS because of my wife seeking attention, as well as studying for classes), but I have managed to almost finish the first book. I made progress. Instead of wasting time on stupid phone applications, or surfing the Facebook News Feed, I engaged in a book. Now yes, it was still on a screen (which I hate...I will always prefer paper books), but I READ something. And I feel so much better. I don't feel anxiety from being separated from my dear Facebook (first of all, I'm not THAT addicted, it's mostly just boredom), and 2048 hasn't missed me at all. I also find myself more focused when reading my textbooks. I don't feel as tired, or that I wasted time. I feel good. My next goal is to take my reading outside; go to the beach for the first time in ever--maybe even get in the water! That would be so refreshing....I miss playing outside.

     I don't think I will ever be able to go as far as completely disconnecting. Like I said in my first blog post, that would be suicide in today's world. But I have made my first step in overcoming an addiction. I still need to work on my actual social presence (with Twitter especially, to finish my little experiment there), but I am working on getting away from the senseless boredom that is scrolling down the News Feed. And I am working on bringing back one of the most important aspects of my pre-mission life: reading. I say this week is a success. GO ME!!!

#psychsocialmedia

PS I think I'm actually starting to like this whole blogging thing.....it's good to get my thoughts out. Keep this up and I may actually start a journal!

Supernva